TheSaltyPirate.com - Metal and Dick Jokes since 2006

TSP REVIEWS

ARCH ENEMY - "The Root of All Evil"
(Century Media)

If you are a fan of Arch Enemy, then you have long wondered what some of the older material from the first three albums (Black Earth, Stigmata, & Burning Bridges) would sound like if they were recorded by the current lineup. Sure you can get a taste of if you were to see them live, but I'm talking more about actual recorded works. Well, you need not wonder any longer because the answer to those questions are presented on "The Root of All Evil", a collection of re-recorded material, spanning the early days of the kings, and queen, of technical, melodic metal. As a huge fan of the early stuff, it took a while for my ears to get used to hearing these songs in a different way. I listened to "Stigmata" so much when it came out, and still do, that I know every note by heart. So when I was expecting to hear a certain lick or scale, I was thrown a curveball. I'm not saying that this was a bad thing, just confusing at first. In fact, some of these songs sound just as good, if not better, than the original recordings. One miss was the new version of "Demonic Science". This song was so heavy on "Burning Bridges", but is a little light on the new disc. The riff is still cool, but it just isn't as thick and menacing as the first offering. Angela sounds fantastic as always, and you would expect nothing less than magnificence from the Ammott brothers. New bass lines and drum tracks make for a well polished record. Those of you who might be confused over this release should take comfort in knowing that it isn't just another re-release or cover album, but a new way to hear some classic tunes. This is well worth the money, but don't get rid of those old Arch Enemy records either.

-Rob"Bubbs"Harris

METALMANIA 2008 - DVD
(Metal Mind Productions)

As a citizen of these United States, I often find myself asking why we don't get huge festivals with wide varieties of bands more often. It seems that there is another cool show of gigantic proportions happening over in Europe on a day to day basis. One notably cool fest to come around annually is the MetalMania fest in Poland every year. 2008 had an especially good lineup of diverse bands. Inside You started things off with a good performance, but they aren't really my kind of band. Primordial, another band I don't really care for, ripped through a set of celtic black metal before it was time for old school bastians, Flotsam and Jetsam to hit the stage. F&J treated the crowd to a couple of trademark jams, as well as a cool Lard cover. Artillery was an absolute beast, the brothers Stutzer shredded like nobody's business, while Soren Adamsen belted it out as only a truly trained singer can do. Marduk, Vader, and Satyricon kept the heaviness going before the legendary Overkill proceeded to tear the faces from every skull in the building. I still haven't seen them live yet, but this performance definitely lit a fire under my arse to get out and catch an Overkill show before it's too late. Next up was Dillinger Escape Plan. These dudes are uber talented. I never really listened to them before, but maybe I should start. Finally, it was time for headliners Megadeth to take the reins. Unfortunately, the songs they decided to provide for this DVD weren't exactly the best picks from their far reaching catalogue, but the execution was flawless. Dave Mustaine is a god amongst insects, as far as guitarists go. Overall, I was entertained to the fullest by this DVD. I just wish I lived in Poland sometimes.

-Rob"Bubbs"Harris

AMON AMARTH - "The Crusher" (Reissue)
(Metal Blade)

There are few things as satisfying as cranking your viking metal up as loud as possible, giving everyone within hearing (even the deaf ones) the impression that a bloodthirsty horde is going to come crashing through their front door with axes and maces at hand to loot (and smoke) your stash, drink all your beer, defile your woman and desecrate the graves of your ancestors. And what better way to create this impression than getting your hands on the recent reissues of Amon Amarth's first three legendary albums as double disc sets, with "The Crusher" being the best one to date. Still possessing that raw, early sound, this third accounting of the Swedish masters of all that is Viking create the swirling mists on the cold shore of an early morning raid and paint your ears with the sound of blood and brains with the thunder and wrath of tracks like "Masters Of War", "Annihilation Of Hammerfest" and "Releasing Sutur's Fire". Special to this reissue there's also a killer new bonus track "Eyes Of Horror", originally recorded by the instigators of black metal, Possessed, which is fucking awesome; also, in 2008 the band recorded live sets of these newly reissued albums in their entirety and these are included as the bonus disc for these reissues, so you get twice the majesty of a band that sounds just as impressive live as they do on studio tracks. And if all this wasn't enough for you, go find the misheard lyrics Youtube video for "A Fury Divine" and laugh your balls off. Then listen to this album some more.

-Ziggy Sawdust

DARZAMAT - "Solfernus Path"
(Massacre)

A lot of times, Gothic metal takes a turn for the worst, just sounding like warmed up crap but with 14 years of experience, Darzamat's fifth release is a concept album worthy of repeated plays. With elements of symphonic and Death metal mixed with the lushness of Gothic and produced by none other than King Diamond's own Andy La Rocque, the male/ female vocal pairing of Flauros & Nera is forcible and emotional enough to blend with the atmospheric keyboards, abusive drums and quality guitar work to equal bands such as Graveworm, Cemetery Of Scream and the like. Peppered with the warm instrumentals of "Devium" and "Spectaculum", the heavier tracks like "Pain Collector" and "Lunar Silhouette" are made that much more so as the album flows as a mighty river should, to settle into the wider sea of "Mesmeric Seance" and on into history.

-Ziggy Sawdust

GWAR - "Lust In Space"
(Metal Blade)

"...Again, what grim vision, this?". Antartica, home of penguins and endless fields of ice, a barren land giving birth to the Gods of Sick: the almighty GWAR. For all of us who have had albums like "Scumdogs Of The Universe" memorized since our early teens have been blessed with 25 years of these alien sex fiends, and have had our loyalty rewarded by "Lust In Space", the newest saga of intergalactic depravity and forcible submission by these crack- addled tyrants of the galaxy. A few of the songs are a little off- kilter but as befits what has always been true GWAR style, "Lords And Masters" and "Metal Metal Land" prove their musical prowess once again, and "Make A Child Cry" is disturbing enough to make any good parent write nasty letters to their Congresshuman, so all we can really do is accept our fate in the grand scheme and worship these billion- year- old sickos until such time as they grow weary of our adulation and crush us all underfoot as is the right of all dominant overlords.

-Ziggy Sawdust

CYCLE OF PAIN - "S/T"
(Reform)

If you're a fan of Black Label Society, then it won't take long for you to get the groove of John DeServio's fantastic line- up of the regular band plus a horde of guest musicians for a mighty collaboration, indeed. Whether it's the powerful slow ballad "I See Heaven" with the almighty Zakk Wylde at the helm, the funky bass breakdowns on "Pungle", the billowing clouds of "Do My Work high" with the guest vocals of Zakk & Sen Dog from Cypress Hill, or the vocal 3- way "Cycle Of Pain" with the throatlords of Tantric, Symphony X & Fear Factory dishing it out, there's no possible way that this album can just fall to the wayside. And if you needed further proof of residual awesomeness (as if it needed any), the record label's street address is on River Styx Road in Jersey. Awesome!

- Ziggy Sawdust

MAGICA - "Wolves And Witches"
(AFM)

There are bands with female vocalists and they're alright in their own respects, one would wager. Nightwish came close to being in perfect form for the style but fell apart and lost it and Lacuna Coil got old. Luckily, the popular newcomer from Romania pulled a rabbit out of their hat with the grand musical and songwriting abilities of Bogdan Costea and a secret weapon: the voice of Ana Mladinovici. There are some women who just have that voice you could listen to all day, and Ana's one of them. Pair her accent with 5 years of Classical training and a run with the Marea Neagra Philharmonic Orchestra, and you have songs that linger in your dreams. The rest of the band is good too, don't get me wrong: every note is exactly where and how it should be and they're fantastic musicians, but there certainly is power in the feminine wiles, is there not?

- Ziggy Sawdust

RAVAGE - "The End Of Tomorrow"
(Metal Blade)

Holy giant city- crushing robot spiders, Batman! I don't care what kind of "trend" label you put on things because trends suck. For a band who has that "NWOBHM" label attached to it, Ravage started when there didn't need to be a "New" wave; they were there when the old one was doing just fine. AND they're from Boston, dammit. The fascinating part is that they were still budding adolescents at the time, and 13 years later their major label debut (but not first album, mind you) is one of the coolest albums you're going to run out and donkeypunch your local record retailer over until they stock it or order it for you this year. Full of drums that skip rocks off your face after they shove you in the mud, an almost perfect Halford voice that just misses the higher pitches & falsettos and in- your- face guitar solos that are like Tipton & Downing gone Dragonforce and pissing on your Mum as she flashes her tits at the stage, there isn't a dull moment from the time you enter "The Halls Of Madness" and you reach "The End Of Tomorrow". This album has "Timeless Classic" written all over it, my friends...

-Ziggy Sawdust

BEHEMOTH - "Evangelion"
(Metal Blade)

With all the so- called self- help books and gurus, who really has the power to help you find yourself? Behemoth, that's who. These unnecessarily persecuted Polish black metallers (banned from Canada? WTF is that all about?) selflessly embed strong codes of influence in their punishing sound in order to help you be a better human, and not some wimpy little two- faced bitch because that's the way we like it around here. Of course, you have to be in the habit of delving into the esoteric in your time off to understand quite a bit but that's beside the point because even if you don't get it, Dr. Sawdust recommends you just let songs like "The Seed Ov I", "He Who Breeds Pestilence" and "Transmigrating Beyond Realms Ov Amenti" settle into your subconscious, visit their next available live show (awesome!), snuggle up to the speakers and you'll feel better in the morning. Trust me, I've been there.

-Ziggy Sawdust

RHINO - "Dead Throne Monarch"
(Arctic Music Group)

Super cool cover, lets see what we got here.. ugly, sludgey, resonated muck starts pouring out the speakers, constipated vocals yelling at me through the thick pudding of guitar morass. Some almost deathlike tones like vintage Dismember claw through the quicksand only to sink again beneath the lightless waters. Almost rocking but like a small foreign car with a broken transmission this just lurches along, barely faster than one could walk to keep ahead of the smoke blasting behind the broken machinery of inexpensive technology. And that my friends is where Rhino falls very much flat on its own face from the crippling weight of their music. Unlike masters like Crowbar, Sleep, or Cathedral who can slowly build towards an apex of utmost heaviness rhino just can't seem to get that next gear that separates Maximum Doom from Maximum Dumb. And from the art and logos I am not even sure if these dudes know that a Rhino has but one horn, uno. Track four, Bahamut breaks up the monotony with with some distinct notes and a wee bit of a swagger to break up the grunting that substitutes for vocals on this one, I know painkillers cause difficulty in keeping ones intestinal plumbing running at peak performance, some fiber would help this dude more than new mics and P.A could ever hope to impact this poor pent up individual. By five I am completely sick of this, at least some of the songs clock in less than eight minutes or more so there is some saving grace to be had. Some, as in very little clean rock type singing makes me think these would be some fun guys to be at a show with more than at a show watching and every song seems like a reworking of the same three or four notes that Ive heard before done better, I thought punkers only knew three chords? Bottom line, this is shit. Thick and heavy but it is what it is.

-Pickle

RAM - "Lightbringer"
AMF Records

I am not sure what's up with the animal band names this week but Ram could be in uncle Pix zoo anytime. Classic metal with all the pieces in the right place, the vocals are strong with a good bit of falsetto. beginning with "Crushing the dwarf of Ignorance",(is this a dig at Sweden's It or what?),I'm wondering is it going to be Black, Death, Thrash when track 2 tears in with total old school metal! In victory begins with some depressive notes then onward to classic metal groove, by 4 Awakening the Chimaera I'm realizing why I have such a hard on for this, it is very much Mercyful Fate influenced, from the solos to the interplay in the vocals between raspy and falsetto screams to the totally solid riffing. Ghost Pilot offers more of the same, by which I mean great music , solos fit in the song structure and vocal patterns that keep me interested. The few of Iron starts slow and creepy then leads into a Germanic steel stomp. Awesome battle lyrics lead to more killer structure and a few times they change the attack to a more honed blade to sever your head. Nine minutes and I never got bored or even thought about skipping ahead, that says alot for a guy with super short attention span. Blood God has a little different sound than the rest, its faster and full of spirit which is good. The album winds down with some big soundscapes then a slithering riff out, killer. If your into Mercyful Fate or King Diamond this one will blow your socks off. And if your just into well done Heavy Metal you couldnt go wrong with this one either. I salute you Ram.

- Pickle

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Welcome to TheSaltyPirate.com. We are dedicated to showing you the best bands and comedians that deserve attention. Kill your TV, watch all the uncensored comedy and metal you need right here.

Click below to check us out on Myspace